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sasha_dragonTitle: Not Such A Damsel In Distress
Artist name:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sillie82
Genre: RPS, (Non-AU)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Word count: 7228.
Warnings: Violence, shameless Jensen whump, attempted non-con, homophobic language.
Summary: The cast and crew of Supernatural are one big happy family; they care for and protect one another. But after an outbreak of flu, there are outsiders on the set. Amongst those outsiders is a dangerous predator and his partner, and they have set their sights on what they think is an easy target. Can Jensen prove them wrong, or will he need Jared, his knight in shining armour to come to his rescue?
Jared opened the front door. He walked quickly into the house and let Sadie and Harley outside. Another member of the crew had brought the dogs home, and now all Jared had to do was keep them away from Jensen while he got him to bed. Jared ran back to the front door just in time to see Jensen shuffling inside. “Hey there, tough guy, I told you to wait for me. Jen, are you sure you should be here? I think we should go back to the hospital.” Jared closed the door, locked it, checked the locks, and then checked the locks again.
Jensen rolled his eyes as Jared went all obsessive compulsive on the front door, “Jay, I’m fine. Do you think Michelle, our favourite doctor would’ve let me out if I wasn’t?”
Jensen’s voice was cracked and weary; the adrenaline that had helped him to fight back against the two men had drained away and it was exacting a heavy toll from him now. His arms felt like lead, and his legs ached as if he’d been for a five-mile run. He was cold. In fact he was fucking freezing, the CSIs had taken his clothes off him. Even though he was swamped in Jared’s jacket, the thick material did nothing to help warm him. He was chilled to the bone and he shivered.
Jared was watching Jensen with concern. He was so very pale, and his eyes shadowed with dark circles. All he was wearing was a set of thin blue hospital scrubs and his jacket. Jared moved behind Jensen and frowned when he noticed the shivering. Silently he helped take the jacket off. Jared could see that Jensen’s body was stiffening up now, and his reserves of strength were fading fast. Part of him just wanted to pick Jensen up in his arms, and be the knight in shining armour carrying him to bed.
But Jared knew that the events of tonight had taken a lot from Jensen. He’d felt helpless and stripped of control with every unwanted touch, and invasive question he’d endured. He knew his stubborn, hard-headed boyfriend only too well. He would need to prove to himself he wasn’t completely helpless, that he was back in control now. If all he had to prove that was a simple walk to their bedroom, then that’s exactly what Jared was going to help him do. He moved to Jensen’s side, waiting patiently for Jensen to decide what he was going to do.
When Jared stood beside him, a wave of gratitude and love welled up inside him. Jared understood him, perhaps a little too well. It would’ve been so easy to just let Jared take care of him, let him take charge of the situation. But he needed to do this. He could do this. Shit! He’d had worse playing Dean. There had been nights when he’d been so exhausted he’d almost had to crawl upstairs on his hands and knees. A few bumps and bruises should be no problem.
Jensen was determined to make the walk, even though he’d never been more in need of Jared’s strength in his life. Jensen took an unsteady step forward and Jared kept pace with him. He looked at the stairs with the kind of determination Dean used for facing down demons. Three more steps and Jensen could feel sweat trickling down his back. Without a word Jared moved closer allowing Jensen to lean against him.
Another couple of steps and they made the stairs. Jensen reached for the stair rail using it to steady himself, and got ready to climb. With painful slowness Jensen climbed the first step, pleased he’d made it this far. He took the next two quicker, but the effort was making him dizzy and he was breathing hard. He listed to the side and Jared slipped his arm round his waist. He steadied Jensen and waited for him to be ready to move again.
The dizziness faded and Jensen began to climb again. Jared subtly increased his support as Jensen continued to make his way upstairs. The tremors in his limbs were getting worse, and Jared could hear his breathing becoming more laboured. Jared had never been so relieved to see the top of the stairs; they walked slowly towards the bedroom. Jensen leant into Jared as his energy waned and all he wanted was to lie down and sleep.
Jared opened the bedroom door and helped Jensen towards the bed, carefully guiding the exhausted man down so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He crouched down in front of Jensen, and took hold of his hand, “Ok, let me go and get some ice for you, and then we’ll get you into bed. Alright?”
Jared spoke softly watching Jensen’s face closely. He could see Jensen was shutting down, that the events of tonight had finally gotten to be too much for him. They would have to talk, but that was for another time. Right now his priority was taking care of Jensen, and making certain he was comfortable.
Jensen looked into Jared’s warm hazel eyes and managed a slight smile, “That sounds good, especially the bed part. I’m beat...... Shit! I feel like I could sleep for a month.” Jensen let himself fall back onto the bed, moaning in a mixture of relief and pain when his battered body hit the bed.
Jared gently took Jensen’s boots and socks off. They and his boxers had been the only clothing the crime scene investigators had left him with. He stood and looked down at Jensen as he laid there, eyes closed, half hanging off the bed, his feet still on the ground. Jared thought about moving him, but he decided against it. He’d let him get some rest while he got the ice then he’d help Jensen finish getting undressed and get him in bed.
Once again anger bubbled through his veins at what had happened on set tonight. Jensen should have been safe there but instead he’d been viciously attacked in what was their second home. What hurt most of all was he hadn’t been there to protect Jensen. If he had been he would’ve torn Andy and Will apart.
Jared decided that in the near future Jensen was going nowhere without him, no matter what Jensen said about that. Perhaps he’d ring Kane and tell him about what had happened. Jared grinned. If he did that, he’d never have to worry about Jensen ever again. After that he would probably trip over Kane every morning, after Jensen’s friend took to sleeping outside their bedroom door. Jared slipped quietly out of the room, and headed towards the kitchen.
Jensen heard Jared leave then listened to the silence with his eyes closed. He tried to relax but all he could see behind his eyelids were the shadows of Will and Andy. He could still feel Will’s hands on him, and hear the taunts the man had thrown at him.
Jensen pushed himself upright and rubbed the heel of his hands into his eyes, attempting to scrub the memory away. He shivered again and rubbed his arms, attempting to get warm; he winced as his hands brushed over where Will and Andy had gripped his arms harshly. He shuddered at the memory of them touching him. Jensen felt a wave of nausea and repulsion crashing through his body. He stood up quickly, forcing himself forward, ignoring the vertigo that made him weave drunkenly as he moved quickly towards the bathroom.
He made it just in time; he dropped to his knees in front of the toilet, holding the seat with one hand as he began to throw up. Jensen wrapped his other arm around bruised, sore ribs trying to ease the painful cramps that wracked his body. It felt as he was trying to expel everything he’d eaten in the last month. Finally it came to an end, and Jensen slumped forward putting his head on the arm still resting on the seat. He knew he should get to his feet but his body felt so heavy. Perhaps if he just stayed here for a moment he’d be fine.
Jared walked back into the bedroom, holding a couple of bags of ice with a couple of towels slung over his shoulder. He glanced at the empty bed and a jolt of panic surged through him...where the fuck was Jensen? He was just about to call out when he heard a sound coming from the bathroom. Jared dropped what he was carrying on the bed, and hurried towards the sound. He entered the bathroom quietly and saw Jensen hunched over the toilet. He was shivering and looked like he was trying to get up, but his battered body didn’t seem like it wanted to co-operate.
Jared walked over to where Jensen was kneeling. He crouched down beside him, “Hey, you alright?” Jared knew his partner was as far from being alright as it was possible to be. But he needed Jensen to talk to him.
Jensen looked up at Jared, trying to smile but he could tell his weak effort wasn’t fooling Jared. He shrugged a shoulder, “I’m fine. It must be something I ate. I keep forgetting I’m not an eating machine like Dean. He can eat crap and be fine. Remember those oysters I ate? Yeah, so did the restaurant bathroom. Well, I can’t sit here all night although I’m pretty comfortable.” Jensen went to push himself off the floor but the dizziness returned. He closed his eyes to stop the room spinning. He felt a large hand on the back of his neck and gentle pressure as Jared massaged tense muscles.
Jensen risked opening his eyes, and came face to face with Jared looking worried. Jared gave a knowing smile and wrapped an arm round Jensen’s waist. Without another word he helped Jensen to his feet, holding onto him while Jensen got his balance back. Jared glanced down into the toilet and winced. He reached out and flushed and with an air of nonchalance he turned the two of them towards the sink, supporting Jensen’s weight as they started to move.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Those chocolate muffins from craft should be labelled bio hazards. Do you want to clean your teeth? I love you and all that, but even I draw the line at kissing you right now.”
Jared kept his tone light as he walked Jensen to stand in front of the sink, looking at him through the mirror. What little colour he’d had in the hospital was gone and he looked drained. Jared waited patiently as Jensen leant on the vanity unit, his arms shaking with strain.
Jensen grinned at him, “What? Don’t you love me enough to put up with my stink breath? I’m gutted, Jay. Does that mean you don’t think I’m sexy anymore?” Jensen’s voice was hoarse, and cracked with exhaustion.
Jared smiled tenderly at him and moved behind Jensen. Jared picked up Jensen’s toothbrush, squeezed some toothpaste onto it and handed it to him. He watched through the mirror as Jensen cleaned his teeth, “You have no idea just how sexy you are, do you?”
As he spoke Jared bent forward and he went to kiss Jensen on the neck. He jerked back in surprise when Jensen cringed away from him. He looked into the mirror trying to understand, hurt by his boyfriend’s reaction to being touched.
Jensen finished cleaning his teeth and spat into the sink as he flinched away from Jared’s soft touch. He cursed when he met Jared’s pain-filled eyes. He sighed, “Please don’t, Jay. I’m dirty... I don’t want you to touch me; I can still feel them all over me. I need to take a shower. It’s not you, Jay... God, I’m so fucking sorry. You don’t need this shit.” Jensen’s voice wavered as he spoke, and there was a glimmer of tears in his eyes. He turned away from the mirror, unable to face himself, a look of shame etched on his face.
Jared felt as if he’d been punched. It hadn’t occurred to him how Jensen might be feeling after the attack. Some fucking boyfriend he was. It was time to put this right. Jared lightly placed his hands on Jensen’s hips, his fingers mapping the contour of the bone. He leant close and whispered, “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve done nothing wrong. It was those two fuckers who were at fault. Now let me look after you. I can’t let you take a shower tonight. You need to keep your stitches dry.”
Jared watched Jensen’s expressive face - it was grief stricken and lost and he refused to meet Jared’s eyes in the mirror.
He let go of Jensen and moved round so he was standing in front of him. He stood silently and waited. When he needed to Jared had infinite amounts of patience. Finally that patience was rewarded when Jensen lifted his head and looked at him, his eyes guarded and defensive. Jared reached out and cupped Jensen’s bruised face in one large hand. Slowly a tentative smile bloomed across his face.
“Please let me look after you. I promise we’ll get you cleaned up. I understand now, and I’m sorry I didn’t get it before. Believe me, Jensen, you’re not dirty. You fought them off, for god’s sake. I don’t think I could’ve done that.”
Jensen was stunned by Jared’s words and shook his head in disbelief, “Jay, you’re frigging huge. You could’ve beat the shit out of those two with one hand tied behind your back.”
Jared rested one hand on Jensen’s shoulder, moving his thumb slowly back and forth. Jared looked him right in the eye, “All the strength in the world won’t help you if you freeze, and I’m pretty sure I would’ve frozen.”
Jared was willing Jensen to understand how much courage he’d shown. Jensen just shook his head; Jared gave a gentle encouraging smile.
“Jay, I‘ve seen you when you’ve had to fight. There’s no fucking way you’d have frozen, but I appreciate you trying to make me feel better.....listen, if I can’t shower how about a bath? Please, Jay.” Jensen shivered again as he pleaded with Jared to let him get clean.
Jared pulled him closer, ignoring the protests Jensen was making and spoke in his ear, “You forget, Jen, I was there when you gave your statement. I’m great at charging in but I know I wouldn’t have held my shit together enough to have lured Andy in so I could put him down. That’s when I would’ve frozen; I would’ve probably started swinging at the two of them. You stayed calm, dealt with one, and then you went for a guy with a knife. Jen, just accept it. You’re fucking amazing, and I’m sorry but I don’t think a bath would be a good idea either.” He felt Jensen tense in his arms at the thought of still being dirty.
Jared stepped back at little and smiled again, “I said a bath isn’t a good idea, but I have a better one. Do you trust me to make you feel better?” Jared asked quietly, knowing just how stubborn the other man could be. The times he’d watched Jensen being bounced round set, seen him shrug it off with the typical Dean “I’m fine,” reaction. Then later on he was the one who had to watch Jensen limp back to the car, because he’d stiffened up and was covered in bruises. Jared waited until Jensen gave a slight nod. He was blushing and the shame-filled look was still on his face.
Jensen tried to pull away but deep down he knew it was futile; Jared was stronger than him due to all the hours in the gym. Even under normal circumstances, he could never get away from Jared’s snuggle monster impression. Now after what had happened tonight, he was in no fit state to try and get out of Jared’s arms. Usually he didn’t want to escape from Jared’s arms but he felt so dirty after tonight.
Not only could he still feel the ghosts of Will and Andy’s hands on him, but he also had to contend with the memory of the crime scene technicians remembering the way they had touched him - cold and impersonal, as if he was a piece of evidence and not a person. Jensen couldn’t help himself; it felt as if he was contaminating Jared whenever he touched him. That hurt more than anything else that had happened tonight.
Jared took a deep breath. He could see how hard this was for Jensen but he couldn’t begin to comprehend what he was going through. But he was going to do everything he could to help him, starting by helping to get Jensen ‘clean’.
“Ok, we need to get you comfortable, and then I’ll see what I can do to make you feel better.” As he spoke he helped his bemused boyfriend from the bathroom. As he passed the towel rail, Jared snagged one of the towels hanging there. He carefully helped Jensen towards the bed, pausing to lay the towel on the bed, smoothing it out. Once he was happy with what he’d done, he guided Jensen onto the bed. Jared knelt in front of him.
“Wait here. I’ll be back in a minute, alright?” Jared smiled and stood up. He left the bedroom and went back downstairs, heading for the kitchen where he started to search. He knew somewhere in the large and well equipped kitchen, there was a wash bowl although he and Jensen rarely used it. They either ate take out or put everything in the dishwasher. He grinned in triumph as he found what he was looking for hiding in the back of a cupboard. He grabbed the bowl and put it on the counter. Jared took the time to feed the kids before turning off the lights, and heading back to Jensen.
Jensen sat on the edge of the bed and wondered what Jared was up to. He shivered slightly and then winced as stiffening muscles protested. He yawned. He was so tired that he just wanted to curl up and sleep but every time he closed his eyes, he saw Will’s sneering face. Jensen wrapped his arms around himself and took a calming breath; he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Jensen looked up to see Jared standing beside him looking concerned, his forehead furrowed, making Jensen smile slightly. “Jay, you keep that up, and I’m gonna have to take you to get Botox. The fan girls would hate to see their ‘Sammy’ with wrinkles.”
He laughed and was rewarded with a bright smile from Jared; he looked at the bowl in his hand. “Dude, I ain’t drunk and I don’t feel sick, so what’s the bowl for?” He squinted at Jared, feeling the start of a headache behind tired eyes.
Jared reached out and brushed his fingers lightly over Jensen’s forehead, “You take it easy. I said I was going to take care of you, and I meant it. I’ll be back in a minute.” Jared bent over and placed a tender kiss on his forehead.
Jared walked into the bathroom and turned on the taps. He let the bowl fill while he rummaged around in the bathroom cabinet. Jared grinned when he found what he wanted; it was a bottle of bath and shower gel. He opened it and managed a rueful smile as the scent brought back memories.
Jared had brought the gel on a whim when he’d been in England after a convention; it was from a place called Crabtree & Evelyn. The shop sold bath and beauty products made from natural ingredients. The gel was Citron, Honey & Coriander; Jared had thought it smelled wonderful. That was until a night spent with Kane and Carlson.
Kane had sniffed the air, took a swig of beer and said, “Jay, you smell great. Reminds me of the sauce I made to go with the chicken I cooked the other day. Damn! Now I’m hungry. Got anything to eat?” This had been accompanied by roars of laughter, and Jensen nearly choking to death on a peanut. Ever since that, it had been gathering dust in the cabinet.
But it was so far removed from the smell of antiseptic and hospital that clung to Jensen, he felt it was ideal for what he needed. Jared checked the temperature of the water, adding a little more cold water. Satisfied, he turned off the taps, dropped a wash cloth in the water, grabbed the gel and picked up the bowl. Jared only paused to pick up a towel.
Jensen watched Jared approach, saw the bowl, the towel slung over his shoulder, and then he saw the gel. Jensen grinned at the memory of it, “What are you going to do to me, Jay? Tenderize me for later.” Jensen was still grinning when Jared knelt beside him.
Jared put the bowl down and looked up into green eyes, “No, no tenderizing tonight. Maybe tomorrow. You wanted to get clean, and I want to help you. Just relax and let me take care of you, just for tonight.”
Jared watched the tired knowing smirk Jensen gave him, acknowledging how much he hated being weak for whatever reason, “Tomorrow you can boss me around as much as you like. Now lift your arms. I want to take your shirt off.”
Jensen took a deep breath, “Anything to get my clothes off, right, Jay?” He slowly lifted his arms until they were level with Jared’s shoulders. He let his hands rest there, knowing he was too tired to force strained muscles any further. Jensen closed his eyes and leant forward, letting his head rest on Jared’s shoulder. He felt the other man wrap his arms round him as Jared held him. Part of him wanted to pull away but right now he needed Jared more than ever before.
Jensen hated feeling weak, hated being reliant on anyone, even the man he loved. But now he had no more fight left in him, he was done. His body ached all over, and the cut on his stomach throbbed in time with the beat of his heart. The painkillers he’d been given at the E.R were slowly kicking in, dulling the worst of it. But he knew tomorrow he wouldn’t be moving too far from bed.
Jensen sighed as he felt Jared gently tugging at the thin blue scrubs he was wearing. Slowly easing the shirt upwards, pulling it slowly over his head and arms, he let Jared support his weight as he pulled the shirt free and dropped it on the floor.
Jared waited for Jensen to get his breath back; he could see him shaking from fatigue. Once the scrub top was on the floor, it was time to get him out of the trousers. Jared slowly ran his hands down Jensen’s torso, his fingertips tracing the forming bruises. He watched Jensen closely, checking his reaction to being touched. Jensen flinched when as fingers ghosted over the gauze that covered the stomach wound. There was something else on Jensen’s face besides pain. Humiliation at what had happened to him, a sense of defeat that clung to him and seemed to make him smaller.
Jared frowned. He had no idea how to heal those kinds of injuries but for now he could help with Jensen’s physical wounds. He continued to gently caress the battered body. Finally he moved his hands down to grip the waistband of the scrubs and boxers. Holding them tightly, he eased them downwards past Jensen’s hips. He felt a pair of arms wrap round his neck as Jensen managed to raise his hips off the bed. The action helped him finish pulling the pants down Jensen’s legs.
Jensen dropped back onto the bed, panting with effort, Jared’s hands resting gently on his thighs, stroking them softly. Jensen managed to lift his head; it felt like it weighed a tonne but when he managed it, it was worth the struggle. Jared was smiling at him, his eyes filled with love and concern for him. Jensen bit his lip and had to turn away. He didn’t deserve that look. Not after tonight, not after what had happened. Why had Will and Andy chosen him? Had he led them on? Did they think he was weak? It didn’t matter what the cops had told him, Jared deserved someone better than him. Jensen went to pull away, unable to cope with the kindness and love Jared was showing him.
Jared had seen the look in Jensen’s eyes before he turned away, and he just knew what was going through his boyfriend’s mind. It had all been there on his face before he turned away from him. Jared gritted his teeth, no…no fucking way was he going to let Jensen slip away from him. He knew Jensen was blaming himself for the attack tonight. Well it was time to set him straight on a few things.
Jared stood up, laid one of the towels on the bed and slipped his arm beneath Jensen’s legs and round his shoulders. Lifting gently he placed Jensen on the towel. He sat beside the prone figure, took hold of the wash cloth and wrung it out a little. He picked up the shower gel, flipped open the bottle, squeezing some of the spicy smelling gel onto it.
Jared turned to Jensen, lifted his arm and began to slowly bathe it with the cloth. “Now I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours. Well actually, I’ve got a pretty good idea. You can stop that train of thought right now.” Jared tried not to flinch when he looked at the handprints on Jensen’s arms. The marks taunted him silently, a stark reminder of his failure to protect the man he loved. “Those two bastards attacked you, plain and simple. You didn’t ‘ask for it’. You didn’t deserve it but most importantly you managed to fight them off.”
Jared carried on gently sponging, trying to ease a wounded body. But he could see Jensen staring at the ceiling, slowly shutting down, shutting him out, leaving him unsure how to heal a wounded soul.
“You’re very quiet down there. Am I going to have to resort to dirty tactics?”
“You wouldn’t dare. I’m an injured hero, remember?”
“Oh, so now you think you’re a hero. What brought that on?” Jared smiled affectionately, relaxing when Jensen spoke to him.
“Might have been the threat of dirty tactics which could mean anything from you tickling me to singing to me, and I love you too much to beat you to death with my pillow.”
Jared laughed and some of the tension left his body as he continued to bathe Jensen. At least he was still talking. One of Jensen’s nastier habits was he bottled things up, believing he could deal with everything by himself. Jared knew what had happened to him tonight was something Jensen could not handle alone, no matter what he might think. All he could do was be there for Jensen, support him any way he could. And make damn certain that nothing like this ever happened to him again.
“Does that mean I’m a battered boyfriend then?” Jared sniffed dramatically, ”Oh the shame and there’s me, a fine example of Herculean masculinity being abused by a midget.”
Jensen lifted his head and glared at him, “A goddamn midget! I keep telling you six-foot-one is not short. Can I help it if the Padaleckis are all part giant? Are you sure there isn’t some yeti in the family bloodline?”
Jared grinned at the indignation in Jensen’s voice. Where there was snark there was hope. Whatever Jensen faced, they would deal with it together. Jared stopped talking and let his hands do the communicating, his every touch gentle and soothing. The cloth moved in slow circles, washing away the dirt and pain from the night.
Jared felt Jensen’s body relaxing beneath his fingertips, and the medicated smell slowly disappeared. Jared dipped the cloth into the hot water again, adding more gel. He worked delicately around the gauze that covered the ‘superficial’ cut on Jensen’s stomach. The cut that had taken seven stitches to close meant Jensen would carry a permanent reminder of what had happened to him. Jared shuddered at the thought of how much worse the wound could’ve been. What if they hadn’t found Jensen in time? What if he’d been somewhere else? Jared tried to shake off the horrific scenarios that ran through his mind.
Instead he tried to concentrate on what he was doing, attempting to drive the haunting images away. The warm cloth glided down Jensen’s body as he turned his attention to bathing Jensen’s legs. It was then Jared noticed the bruising on his knees. Suddenly there was a prickling behind his eyes.
The cloth’s movements stilled, as without warning tears coursed down his face. Jared’s body shook with the force of his sobs as the evening’s events utterly overwhelmed him. His head dropped forward as tears flowed freely, crying so hard could hardly draw breath.
Jensen had been enjoying the sponge bath. Jared’s hands were helping to ground him. It stopped him from being trapped back on set with Will and Andy. Jared’s hands slowed and then stopped. He heard Jared’s breathing hitch, opened his eyes and looked up. Jared was crying. No, scratch that, Jared was sobbing his heart out. Jensen was horrified. What had happened? He struggled to sit up, his body howled in protest. Ribs throbbed and the cut burned as he forced himself into a sitting position.
By the time he sat up, he was light headed but determined to find out what was wrong with Jared. He pulled the younger man to him, and Jared came without a fight. Jensen wrapped his arms tightly round him. He reached up and stroked Jared’s hair, muttering calming words into his ear. Jared’s arms came up, and Jensen found himself being crushed by an enthusiastic hug. He gasped out, “Jay, come on, what’s wrong? Talk to me before I pass out from lack of oxygen.”
“Nothing, I’m fine....I’m fine.”
“Is that why you’re sobbing on my shoulder then? I know you wanted to get me clean but I didn’t realize you were gonna do it by showering me with tears. Seriously, Jay, am I gonna have to ban you from watching the Hallmark channel again? Come on, talk to me, please.” Jensen pleaded, trying to calm the man in his arms.
Jared was struggling to pull himself together; tonight’s events had gotten to be too much. Now he was sitting here while Jensen held him. Realization struck. Fuck! What the hell was Jensen doing sitting up? Jared pulled back a little, and Jensen sagged in relief as the crushing grip was loosened.
“You should be lying down. Come on, you need to lie back down.” Jared went to ease Jensen back.
“Oh, no you don’t. What was all that about? Please, Jay, how can I help you if you won’t tell me?” Jensen said gently.
Jared stared at him, “Jesus, you’re something else, aren’t you? After everything you’ve been through tonight, and you’re worried because I just threw a bitch fit.”
“No, you started bawling like a baby. Big difference.” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand, “I’m sorry that tonight’s been so hard on you. I should’ve realized how much this was going to affect you. Are you alright now?”
Jared wiped his face and took a deep breath, “I’m the sorry one. I freaked out over the state of your knees. How fucking dumb is that?”
Jensen looked at his bruised and swollen knees, smiling slightly, “I never realized how attached to my knees you are. And there was me thinking you loved me for my mind.”
Jared looked embarrassed, and tried to explain why it had happened, “No, it’s not that I know it sounds stupid, but when I was washing them it just set me off. Christ, Jensen, you’re a mess and I start bawling because you bashed your knees.”
Jensen couldn’t help the rush of affection that swept through him, “I get it, Jay. You don’t have to explain and thanks for saying I’m a mess. You ask the fan girls. According to them I’m ruggedly handsome.” He watched Jared grin, and gave a sheepish smile, “Oh alright, pretty, are you ok now?”
Jared gave a shaky smile; right now he couldn’t have loved Jensen more. The concern he was showing him, how he was keeping it together really was amazing. Jared moved closer and pulled the smaller man to his chest, “I’ve been so fucking scared all night; I thought I was going to lose you. I was coping with everything until I saw your knees, your fucking knees of all things. I didn’t freak out at the damn stab wound, or the finger marks round your neck. Or how you’ve had the crap kicked out of you. No, I lose it because your knees are bruised.”
Jared shook his head, trying to come to terms with his reaction. Shit, what a damn wuss! Some tough guy he was. He shook himself and forged ahead, ”Listen, how about we get some ice on your bruises? And then we’ll get some sleep.”
“Ok, but while I’m here do you want to do my back for me?” Jensen asked with a smile.
The men broke down and started to laugh. Jared placed a kiss on the top of Jensen’s head, “Ok, bossy, I’ll do your back and I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said you’re a mess. I should’ve said you look like Dean after Ben and Sera have been at him. All heroic and whumped, and yes, I’ll do your back while you’re here.”
Jared slowly bathed Jensen’s back as he leant against him, finding even more bruises beginning to form. He bent forward and gently kissed Jensen’s shoulder, and was relieved when the other man didn’t flinch at his touch. Then Jared felt a movement as tentatively a hand reached out, and rested on his thigh, squeezing gently. At last the smell of antiseptic and hospital were gone from Jensen’s skin. Jared reached out and grabbed a fluffy towel, and softly patted Jensen dry.
Jared was under no illusions; he hadn’t washed Jensen clean of what had happened to him. But just maybe he’d made things a little easier for Jensen; he’d wanted to show him nothing was going to change between them, no matter what Jensen thought. If anything, he was even more impressed by Jensen’s courage and strength.
“Come on, lie down and I’ll put the ice....” Jared looked up and down Jensen’s body, trying to figure out where the hell to start. His hand hovered indecisively over the numerous marks.
“How about we fill the bath with ice, and then you can throw me in. That might be quicker.”
“Not a bad idea and I can sing My Heart Will Go On while I shovel more ice over you.”
Jensen grimaced at the thought, “I thought the Titanic episode was being filmed in a couple of months. You do that and I will ring Sebastian. He really does hate that song; I’d be interested in what he’d do to you....holy shit! Jay, warn a guy will ya?” Jensen’s teeth started to chatter.
Jared gave an evil smile as Jensen had been speaking. He’d placed one of the bags across his knees and put the other against his ribs, “Sorry about that, but if you threaten to turn that lunatic loose on me I reserve the right to retaliate.” Jared stroked Jensen’s arm gently, “I’ll move them in a few minutes. Where would you like frostbite next?”
Jensen rolled his eyes and shivered. He heard Jared laugh as he got off the bed. Jared took the bowl and washcloth back to the bathroom. When he returned Jared opened the wardrobe. He rummaged around for a few seconds, and then reappeared with an old T-shirt and fresh boxers.
Jared sat on the bed again and checked the position of the ice packs; he’d move them soon but for now there were fine. Jared slid down so he was lying beside Jensen. As he looked at him he was sure he could see the bruises becoming darker by the second.
Jensen was beginning to drift. The painkillers were taking hold and his body felt weightless and numb. He was forcing himself to joke with Jared when it was the last thing he felt like doing. Jared didn’t need him to be burdened with what was going through his head. He kept thinking about what the cops had said about how Will picked his victims, and it made him shudder. That’s what he was now - a victim. He thought he was stronger than that - he had to be stronger than that.
Jared watched the change come over Jensen. A line appeared between his eyebrows and he chewed at his lip. His chest rose and fell more rapidly. Jared reached out and placed his hand over Jensen’s heart, “Hey, stop that, you hear me. Stop that right now.”
“Stop what? I’m doing nothing. Just lying here, letting you take care of me.” Jensen avoided Jared’s searching look.
“Knock it off, Ackles. I know you too well. You’re still blaming yourself for the attack, aren’t you? How many more times have I got to tell you, Jen? It was those sick bastards who were to blame, not you.”
Jared ran his thumb back and forth over his heart, hoping to soothe Jensen. Trying to make him understand he wasn’t to blame for tonight.
“Come on, Jay, I’m just Will’s type, remember? Pretty and protected. You were right. He set up that accident to see what the crew and you would do. He must’ve thought his birthday had come early when you all came running.” There was bitterness in Jensen’s words.
“You’re not protected like some damsel in distress, Jen. Yes, the crew think the world of you and I kinda of like you a little. You heard detective Cately. Will is closeted and repressed as fuck. So yeah, you’re unlucky, you’re his type. But boy did you give him and Andy a nasty surprise.”
Jensen flushed bright red; he still couldn’t understand why Jared thought he was a hero. He’d barely managed to get away from the two men, and yet everyone thought he was amazing. Yeah, he was so amazing he just wanted to lie here and cry. What a fucking hero!
Jared could see his words weren’t getting through. They could lie here all night and Jensen wouldn’t realize what he’d done. He sat up slowly and reached for the T-shirt. He could still see Jensen shivering with goose bumps on his arms. All he could do was keep reassuring him, that he had nothing to be ashamed of. “Come on, Jen, it’s nearly four in the morning. I don’t know about you but I want to get some sleep. Do you want to put these on? You’re shivering.”
Jared asked about the clothes he held, and Jensen nodded. Once more he slipped his arm behind Jensen and helped him to sit up. Jensen went to put the T-shirt on but he was exhausted. Without another word Jared took charge, gently putting the T-shirt over his head and pulling it down over his body. Next came the boxers. With deft sure movements, Jared quickly stripped them off and helped Jensen put on clean ones.
Jensen went to thank Jared for his help, but the look in his eye stopped him. Warm hazel eyes expressed themselves eloquently, silently telling him there was no need for thanks. Jensen smiled, grateful for Jared’s help and understanding. He pushed himself up the bed, sliding under the duvet. As he lay down he sighed. The soft material warmed his body, easing some of the aches and pains. He watched Jared get undressed, and saw him hesitate when he stripped to his boxers.
Usually they slept naked unless one of them was ill, but he could see Jared was unsure of what he should do. Seeing Jared not know how to behave round him tore into him, hurting him deeply.
Jared paused as he went to take off his boxers. Would Jensen want him lying next to him naked? Should he behave any differently towards him? He shook himself. No, that would mean they’d won, and he wouldn’t let them do that. With a decisive movement he pulled his boxers down and stepped out of them. He slipped into bed beside Jensen and without hesitating, pulled his boyfriend into his arms. Then Jared curled round him protectively.
He felt Jensen tense, and leant forward kissing the back of his neck lightly. “Nothing will change the way I feel about you. I don’t give a fuck if those morons thought you were some sort of damsel in distress. You’ve never needed rescuing; you’re so much stronger than you think.”
Jensen felt the tension drain from his body hearing Jared say that. He’d been worried that Jared wouldn’t want to be near him after what had happened tonight. Now he had hope, hope that he could get through this. Jensen turned over so he was facing Jared and in the early dawn light, he could make out much loved familiar lines. And he saw dimples appear when Jared smiled at him.
Jensen reached up and ran his fingers through Jared’s hair, “So if I’m not a damsel in distress, does that mean you’re no longer my knight in shining armour?” A shy smile lit up his face.
Jared moved closer and stroked Jensen’s face tenderly, “I’ve no intention of hanging up my armour just yet. I’ll be here with you every step of the way, and I’ll slay any dragons that need slaying, Jensen. You don’t have to do this alone. Do you understand me?
Jensen’s smile grew broader; he understood what Jared had promised him. He was going to be with him no matter what happened. Jensen gave a jaw cracking yawn as his battered body demanded rest. He couldn’t fight the pull of sleep any longer. His eyelids closed but he tried to open them. Will and Andy were still waiting for him in the dark, and he wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to face them again.
Jared felt Jensen tense as he fought to stay awake. Jared carried on gently caressing Jensen, holding him close, “It’s ok. Just go to sleep. You’re safe, I promise.” Finally he felt Jensen relax in his arms and his breathing even out, the pain killers finally doing their work, and letting him get much needed rest. Once more he rested his hand over Jensen’s heart. He would watch over him tonight, and as many nights as it took for Jensen to feel safe again. He would wait patiently but he was certain Jensen would overcome this.
After all, Jensen was no damsel in distress….. he was Jared’s hero.
The End
Artist name:
sillie82Genre: RPS, (Non-AU)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Word count: 7228.
Warnings: Violence, shameless Jensen whump, attempted non-con, homophobic language.
Summary: The cast and crew of Supernatural are one big happy family; they care for and protect one another. But after an outbreak of flu, there are outsiders on the set. Amongst those outsiders is a dangerous predator and his partner, and they have set their sights on what they think is an easy target. Can Jensen prove them wrong, or will he need Jared, his knight in shining armour to come to his rescue?
Jared opened the front door. He walked quickly into the house and let Sadie and Harley outside. Another member of the crew had brought the dogs home, and now all Jared had to do was keep them away from Jensen while he got him to bed. Jared ran back to the front door just in time to see Jensen shuffling inside. “Hey there, tough guy, I told you to wait for me. Jen, are you sure you should be here? I think we should go back to the hospital.” Jared closed the door, locked it, checked the locks, and then checked the locks again.
Jensen rolled his eyes as Jared went all obsessive compulsive on the front door, “Jay, I’m fine. Do you think Michelle, our favourite doctor would’ve let me out if I wasn’t?”
Jensen’s voice was cracked and weary; the adrenaline that had helped him to fight back against the two men had drained away and it was exacting a heavy toll from him now. His arms felt like lead, and his legs ached as if he’d been for a five-mile run. He was cold. In fact he was fucking freezing, the CSIs had taken his clothes off him. Even though he was swamped in Jared’s jacket, the thick material did nothing to help warm him. He was chilled to the bone and he shivered.
Jared was watching Jensen with concern. He was so very pale, and his eyes shadowed with dark circles. All he was wearing was a set of thin blue hospital scrubs and his jacket. Jared moved behind Jensen and frowned when he noticed the shivering. Silently he helped take the jacket off. Jared could see that Jensen’s body was stiffening up now, and his reserves of strength were fading fast. Part of him just wanted to pick Jensen up in his arms, and be the knight in shining armour carrying him to bed.
But Jared knew that the events of tonight had taken a lot from Jensen. He’d felt helpless and stripped of control with every unwanted touch, and invasive question he’d endured. He knew his stubborn, hard-headed boyfriend only too well. He would need to prove to himself he wasn’t completely helpless, that he was back in control now. If all he had to prove that was a simple walk to their bedroom, then that’s exactly what Jared was going to help him do. He moved to Jensen’s side, waiting patiently for Jensen to decide what he was going to do.
When Jared stood beside him, a wave of gratitude and love welled up inside him. Jared understood him, perhaps a little too well. It would’ve been so easy to just let Jared take care of him, let him take charge of the situation. But he needed to do this. He could do this. Shit! He’d had worse playing Dean. There had been nights when he’d been so exhausted he’d almost had to crawl upstairs on his hands and knees. A few bumps and bruises should be no problem.
Jensen was determined to make the walk, even though he’d never been more in need of Jared’s strength in his life. Jensen took an unsteady step forward and Jared kept pace with him. He looked at the stairs with the kind of determination Dean used for facing down demons. Three more steps and Jensen could feel sweat trickling down his back. Without a word Jared moved closer allowing Jensen to lean against him.
Another couple of steps and they made the stairs. Jensen reached for the stair rail using it to steady himself, and got ready to climb. With painful slowness Jensen climbed the first step, pleased he’d made it this far. He took the next two quicker, but the effort was making him dizzy and he was breathing hard. He listed to the side and Jared slipped his arm round his waist. He steadied Jensen and waited for him to be ready to move again.
The dizziness faded and Jensen began to climb again. Jared subtly increased his support as Jensen continued to make his way upstairs. The tremors in his limbs were getting worse, and Jared could hear his breathing becoming more laboured. Jared had never been so relieved to see the top of the stairs; they walked slowly towards the bedroom. Jensen leant into Jared as his energy waned and all he wanted was to lie down and sleep.
Jared opened the bedroom door and helped Jensen towards the bed, carefully guiding the exhausted man down so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He crouched down in front of Jensen, and took hold of his hand, “Ok, let me go and get some ice for you, and then we’ll get you into bed. Alright?”
Jared spoke softly watching Jensen’s face closely. He could see Jensen was shutting down, that the events of tonight had finally gotten to be too much for him. They would have to talk, but that was for another time. Right now his priority was taking care of Jensen, and making certain he was comfortable.
Jensen looked into Jared’s warm hazel eyes and managed a slight smile, “That sounds good, especially the bed part. I’m beat...... Shit! I feel like I could sleep for a month.” Jensen let himself fall back onto the bed, moaning in a mixture of relief and pain when his battered body hit the bed.
Jared gently took Jensen’s boots and socks off. They and his boxers had been the only clothing the crime scene investigators had left him with. He stood and looked down at Jensen as he laid there, eyes closed, half hanging off the bed, his feet still on the ground. Jared thought about moving him, but he decided against it. He’d let him get some rest while he got the ice then he’d help Jensen finish getting undressed and get him in bed.
Once again anger bubbled through his veins at what had happened on set tonight. Jensen should have been safe there but instead he’d been viciously attacked in what was their second home. What hurt most of all was he hadn’t been there to protect Jensen. If he had been he would’ve torn Andy and Will apart.
Jared decided that in the near future Jensen was going nowhere without him, no matter what Jensen said about that. Perhaps he’d ring Kane and tell him about what had happened. Jared grinned. If he did that, he’d never have to worry about Jensen ever again. After that he would probably trip over Kane every morning, after Jensen’s friend took to sleeping outside their bedroom door. Jared slipped quietly out of the room, and headed towards the kitchen.
Jensen heard Jared leave then listened to the silence with his eyes closed. He tried to relax but all he could see behind his eyelids were the shadows of Will and Andy. He could still feel Will’s hands on him, and hear the taunts the man had thrown at him.
Jensen pushed himself upright and rubbed the heel of his hands into his eyes, attempting to scrub the memory away. He shivered again and rubbed his arms, attempting to get warm; he winced as his hands brushed over where Will and Andy had gripped his arms harshly. He shuddered at the memory of them touching him. Jensen felt a wave of nausea and repulsion crashing through his body. He stood up quickly, forcing himself forward, ignoring the vertigo that made him weave drunkenly as he moved quickly towards the bathroom.
He made it just in time; he dropped to his knees in front of the toilet, holding the seat with one hand as he began to throw up. Jensen wrapped his other arm around bruised, sore ribs trying to ease the painful cramps that wracked his body. It felt as he was trying to expel everything he’d eaten in the last month. Finally it came to an end, and Jensen slumped forward putting his head on the arm still resting on the seat. He knew he should get to his feet but his body felt so heavy. Perhaps if he just stayed here for a moment he’d be fine.
Jared walked back into the bedroom, holding a couple of bags of ice with a couple of towels slung over his shoulder. He glanced at the empty bed and a jolt of panic surged through him...where the fuck was Jensen? He was just about to call out when he heard a sound coming from the bathroom. Jared dropped what he was carrying on the bed, and hurried towards the sound. He entered the bathroom quietly and saw Jensen hunched over the toilet. He was shivering and looked like he was trying to get up, but his battered body didn’t seem like it wanted to co-operate.
Jared walked over to where Jensen was kneeling. He crouched down beside him, “Hey, you alright?” Jared knew his partner was as far from being alright as it was possible to be. But he needed Jensen to talk to him.
Jensen looked up at Jared, trying to smile but he could tell his weak effort wasn’t fooling Jared. He shrugged a shoulder, “I’m fine. It must be something I ate. I keep forgetting I’m not an eating machine like Dean. He can eat crap and be fine. Remember those oysters I ate? Yeah, so did the restaurant bathroom. Well, I can’t sit here all night although I’m pretty comfortable.” Jensen went to push himself off the floor but the dizziness returned. He closed his eyes to stop the room spinning. He felt a large hand on the back of his neck and gentle pressure as Jared massaged tense muscles.
Jensen risked opening his eyes, and came face to face with Jared looking worried. Jared gave a knowing smile and wrapped an arm round Jensen’s waist. Without another word he helped Jensen to his feet, holding onto him while Jensen got his balance back. Jared glanced down into the toilet and winced. He reached out and flushed and with an air of nonchalance he turned the two of them towards the sink, supporting Jensen’s weight as they started to move.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Those chocolate muffins from craft should be labelled bio hazards. Do you want to clean your teeth? I love you and all that, but even I draw the line at kissing you right now.”
Jared kept his tone light as he walked Jensen to stand in front of the sink, looking at him through the mirror. What little colour he’d had in the hospital was gone and he looked drained. Jared waited patiently as Jensen leant on the vanity unit, his arms shaking with strain.
Jensen grinned at him, “What? Don’t you love me enough to put up with my stink breath? I’m gutted, Jay. Does that mean you don’t think I’m sexy anymore?” Jensen’s voice was hoarse, and cracked with exhaustion.
Jared smiled tenderly at him and moved behind Jensen. Jared picked up Jensen’s toothbrush, squeezed some toothpaste onto it and handed it to him. He watched through the mirror as Jensen cleaned his teeth, “You have no idea just how sexy you are, do you?”
As he spoke Jared bent forward and he went to kiss Jensen on the neck. He jerked back in surprise when Jensen cringed away from him. He looked into the mirror trying to understand, hurt by his boyfriend’s reaction to being touched.
Jensen finished cleaning his teeth and spat into the sink as he flinched away from Jared’s soft touch. He cursed when he met Jared’s pain-filled eyes. He sighed, “Please don’t, Jay. I’m dirty... I don’t want you to touch me; I can still feel them all over me. I need to take a shower. It’s not you, Jay... God, I’m so fucking sorry. You don’t need this shit.” Jensen’s voice wavered as he spoke, and there was a glimmer of tears in his eyes. He turned away from the mirror, unable to face himself, a look of shame etched on his face.
Jared felt as if he’d been punched. It hadn’t occurred to him how Jensen might be feeling after the attack. Some fucking boyfriend he was. It was time to put this right. Jared lightly placed his hands on Jensen’s hips, his fingers mapping the contour of the bone. He leant close and whispered, “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve done nothing wrong. It was those two fuckers who were at fault. Now let me look after you. I can’t let you take a shower tonight. You need to keep your stitches dry.”
Jared watched Jensen’s expressive face - it was grief stricken and lost and he refused to meet Jared’s eyes in the mirror.
He let go of Jensen and moved round so he was standing in front of him. He stood silently and waited. When he needed to Jared had infinite amounts of patience. Finally that patience was rewarded when Jensen lifted his head and looked at him, his eyes guarded and defensive. Jared reached out and cupped Jensen’s bruised face in one large hand. Slowly a tentative smile bloomed across his face.
“Please let me look after you. I promise we’ll get you cleaned up. I understand now, and I’m sorry I didn’t get it before. Believe me, Jensen, you’re not dirty. You fought them off, for god’s sake. I don’t think I could’ve done that.”
Jensen was stunned by Jared’s words and shook his head in disbelief, “Jay, you’re frigging huge. You could’ve beat the shit out of those two with one hand tied behind your back.”
Jared rested one hand on Jensen’s shoulder, moving his thumb slowly back and forth. Jared looked him right in the eye, “All the strength in the world won’t help you if you freeze, and I’m pretty sure I would’ve frozen.”
Jared was willing Jensen to understand how much courage he’d shown. Jensen just shook his head; Jared gave a gentle encouraging smile.
“Jay, I‘ve seen you when you’ve had to fight. There’s no fucking way you’d have frozen, but I appreciate you trying to make me feel better.....listen, if I can’t shower how about a bath? Please, Jay.” Jensen shivered again as he pleaded with Jared to let him get clean.
Jared pulled him closer, ignoring the protests Jensen was making and spoke in his ear, “You forget, Jen, I was there when you gave your statement. I’m great at charging in but I know I wouldn’t have held my shit together enough to have lured Andy in so I could put him down. That’s when I would’ve frozen; I would’ve probably started swinging at the two of them. You stayed calm, dealt with one, and then you went for a guy with a knife. Jen, just accept it. You’re fucking amazing, and I’m sorry but I don’t think a bath would be a good idea either.” He felt Jensen tense in his arms at the thought of still being dirty.
Jared stepped back at little and smiled again, “I said a bath isn’t a good idea, but I have a better one. Do you trust me to make you feel better?” Jared asked quietly, knowing just how stubborn the other man could be. The times he’d watched Jensen being bounced round set, seen him shrug it off with the typical Dean “I’m fine,” reaction. Then later on he was the one who had to watch Jensen limp back to the car, because he’d stiffened up and was covered in bruises. Jared waited until Jensen gave a slight nod. He was blushing and the shame-filled look was still on his face.
Jensen tried to pull away but deep down he knew it was futile; Jared was stronger than him due to all the hours in the gym. Even under normal circumstances, he could never get away from Jared’s snuggle monster impression. Now after what had happened tonight, he was in no fit state to try and get out of Jared’s arms. Usually he didn’t want to escape from Jared’s arms but he felt so dirty after tonight.
Not only could he still feel the ghosts of Will and Andy’s hands on him, but he also had to contend with the memory of the crime scene technicians remembering the way they had touched him - cold and impersonal, as if he was a piece of evidence and not a person. Jensen couldn’t help himself; it felt as if he was contaminating Jared whenever he touched him. That hurt more than anything else that had happened tonight.
Jared took a deep breath. He could see how hard this was for Jensen but he couldn’t begin to comprehend what he was going through. But he was going to do everything he could to help him, starting by helping to get Jensen ‘clean’.
“Ok, we need to get you comfortable, and then I’ll see what I can do to make you feel better.” As he spoke he helped his bemused boyfriend from the bathroom. As he passed the towel rail, Jared snagged one of the towels hanging there. He carefully helped Jensen towards the bed, pausing to lay the towel on the bed, smoothing it out. Once he was happy with what he’d done, he guided Jensen onto the bed. Jared knelt in front of him.
“Wait here. I’ll be back in a minute, alright?” Jared smiled and stood up. He left the bedroom and went back downstairs, heading for the kitchen where he started to search. He knew somewhere in the large and well equipped kitchen, there was a wash bowl although he and Jensen rarely used it. They either ate take out or put everything in the dishwasher. He grinned in triumph as he found what he was looking for hiding in the back of a cupboard. He grabbed the bowl and put it on the counter. Jared took the time to feed the kids before turning off the lights, and heading back to Jensen.
Jensen sat on the edge of the bed and wondered what Jared was up to. He shivered slightly and then winced as stiffening muscles protested. He yawned. He was so tired that he just wanted to curl up and sleep but every time he closed his eyes, he saw Will’s sneering face. Jensen wrapped his arms around himself and took a calming breath; he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Jensen looked up to see Jared standing beside him looking concerned, his forehead furrowed, making Jensen smile slightly. “Jay, you keep that up, and I’m gonna have to take you to get Botox. The fan girls would hate to see their ‘Sammy’ with wrinkles.”
He laughed and was rewarded with a bright smile from Jared; he looked at the bowl in his hand. “Dude, I ain’t drunk and I don’t feel sick, so what’s the bowl for?” He squinted at Jared, feeling the start of a headache behind tired eyes.
Jared reached out and brushed his fingers lightly over Jensen’s forehead, “You take it easy. I said I was going to take care of you, and I meant it. I’ll be back in a minute.” Jared bent over and placed a tender kiss on his forehead.
Jared walked into the bathroom and turned on the taps. He let the bowl fill while he rummaged around in the bathroom cabinet. Jared grinned when he found what he wanted; it was a bottle of bath and shower gel. He opened it and managed a rueful smile as the scent brought back memories.
Jared had brought the gel on a whim when he’d been in England after a convention; it was from a place called Crabtree & Evelyn. The shop sold bath and beauty products made from natural ingredients. The gel was Citron, Honey & Coriander; Jared had thought it smelled wonderful. That was until a night spent with Kane and Carlson.
Kane had sniffed the air, took a swig of beer and said, “Jay, you smell great. Reminds me of the sauce I made to go with the chicken I cooked the other day. Damn! Now I’m hungry. Got anything to eat?” This had been accompanied by roars of laughter, and Jensen nearly choking to death on a peanut. Ever since that, it had been gathering dust in the cabinet.
But it was so far removed from the smell of antiseptic and hospital that clung to Jensen, he felt it was ideal for what he needed. Jared checked the temperature of the water, adding a little more cold water. Satisfied, he turned off the taps, dropped a wash cloth in the water, grabbed the gel and picked up the bowl. Jared only paused to pick up a towel.
Jensen watched Jared approach, saw the bowl, the towel slung over his shoulder, and then he saw the gel. Jensen grinned at the memory of it, “What are you going to do to me, Jay? Tenderize me for later.” Jensen was still grinning when Jared knelt beside him.
Jared put the bowl down and looked up into green eyes, “No, no tenderizing tonight. Maybe tomorrow. You wanted to get clean, and I want to help you. Just relax and let me take care of you, just for tonight.”
Jared watched the tired knowing smirk Jensen gave him, acknowledging how much he hated being weak for whatever reason, “Tomorrow you can boss me around as much as you like. Now lift your arms. I want to take your shirt off.”
Jensen took a deep breath, “Anything to get my clothes off, right, Jay?” He slowly lifted his arms until they were level with Jared’s shoulders. He let his hands rest there, knowing he was too tired to force strained muscles any further. Jensen closed his eyes and leant forward, letting his head rest on Jared’s shoulder. He felt the other man wrap his arms round him as Jared held him. Part of him wanted to pull away but right now he needed Jared more than ever before.
Jensen hated feeling weak, hated being reliant on anyone, even the man he loved. But now he had no more fight left in him, he was done. His body ached all over, and the cut on his stomach throbbed in time with the beat of his heart. The painkillers he’d been given at the E.R were slowly kicking in, dulling the worst of it. But he knew tomorrow he wouldn’t be moving too far from bed.
Jensen sighed as he felt Jared gently tugging at the thin blue scrubs he was wearing. Slowly easing the shirt upwards, pulling it slowly over his head and arms, he let Jared support his weight as he pulled the shirt free and dropped it on the floor.
Jared waited for Jensen to get his breath back; he could see him shaking from fatigue. Once the scrub top was on the floor, it was time to get him out of the trousers. Jared slowly ran his hands down Jensen’s torso, his fingertips tracing the forming bruises. He watched Jensen closely, checking his reaction to being touched. Jensen flinched when as fingers ghosted over the gauze that covered the stomach wound. There was something else on Jensen’s face besides pain. Humiliation at what had happened to him, a sense of defeat that clung to him and seemed to make him smaller.
Jared frowned. He had no idea how to heal those kinds of injuries but for now he could help with Jensen’s physical wounds. He continued to gently caress the battered body. Finally he moved his hands down to grip the waistband of the scrubs and boxers. Holding them tightly, he eased them downwards past Jensen’s hips. He felt a pair of arms wrap round his neck as Jensen managed to raise his hips off the bed. The action helped him finish pulling the pants down Jensen’s legs.
Jensen dropped back onto the bed, panting with effort, Jared’s hands resting gently on his thighs, stroking them softly. Jensen managed to lift his head; it felt like it weighed a tonne but when he managed it, it was worth the struggle. Jared was smiling at him, his eyes filled with love and concern for him. Jensen bit his lip and had to turn away. He didn’t deserve that look. Not after tonight, not after what had happened. Why had Will and Andy chosen him? Had he led them on? Did they think he was weak? It didn’t matter what the cops had told him, Jared deserved someone better than him. Jensen went to pull away, unable to cope with the kindness and love Jared was showing him.
Jared had seen the look in Jensen’s eyes before he turned away, and he just knew what was going through his boyfriend’s mind. It had all been there on his face before he turned away from him. Jared gritted his teeth, no…no fucking way was he going to let Jensen slip away from him. He knew Jensen was blaming himself for the attack tonight. Well it was time to set him straight on a few things.
Jared stood up, laid one of the towels on the bed and slipped his arm beneath Jensen’s legs and round his shoulders. Lifting gently he placed Jensen on the towel. He sat beside the prone figure, took hold of the wash cloth and wrung it out a little. He picked up the shower gel, flipped open the bottle, squeezing some of the spicy smelling gel onto it.
Jared turned to Jensen, lifted his arm and began to slowly bathe it with the cloth. “Now I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours. Well actually, I’ve got a pretty good idea. You can stop that train of thought right now.” Jared tried not to flinch when he looked at the handprints on Jensen’s arms. The marks taunted him silently, a stark reminder of his failure to protect the man he loved. “Those two bastards attacked you, plain and simple. You didn’t ‘ask for it’. You didn’t deserve it but most importantly you managed to fight them off.”
Jared carried on gently sponging, trying to ease a wounded body. But he could see Jensen staring at the ceiling, slowly shutting down, shutting him out, leaving him unsure how to heal a wounded soul.
“You’re very quiet down there. Am I going to have to resort to dirty tactics?”
“You wouldn’t dare. I’m an injured hero, remember?”
“Oh, so now you think you’re a hero. What brought that on?” Jared smiled affectionately, relaxing when Jensen spoke to him.
“Might have been the threat of dirty tactics which could mean anything from you tickling me to singing to me, and I love you too much to beat you to death with my pillow.”
Jared laughed and some of the tension left his body as he continued to bathe Jensen. At least he was still talking. One of Jensen’s nastier habits was he bottled things up, believing he could deal with everything by himself. Jared knew what had happened to him tonight was something Jensen could not handle alone, no matter what he might think. All he could do was be there for Jensen, support him any way he could. And make damn certain that nothing like this ever happened to him again.
“Does that mean I’m a battered boyfriend then?” Jared sniffed dramatically, ”Oh the shame and there’s me, a fine example of Herculean masculinity being abused by a midget.”
Jensen lifted his head and glared at him, “A goddamn midget! I keep telling you six-foot-one is not short. Can I help it if the Padaleckis are all part giant? Are you sure there isn’t some yeti in the family bloodline?”
Jared grinned at the indignation in Jensen’s voice. Where there was snark there was hope. Whatever Jensen faced, they would deal with it together. Jared stopped talking and let his hands do the communicating, his every touch gentle and soothing. The cloth moved in slow circles, washing away the dirt and pain from the night.
Jared felt Jensen’s body relaxing beneath his fingertips, and the medicated smell slowly disappeared. Jared dipped the cloth into the hot water again, adding more gel. He worked delicately around the gauze that covered the ‘superficial’ cut on Jensen’s stomach. The cut that had taken seven stitches to close meant Jensen would carry a permanent reminder of what had happened to him. Jared shuddered at the thought of how much worse the wound could’ve been. What if they hadn’t found Jensen in time? What if he’d been somewhere else? Jared tried to shake off the horrific scenarios that ran through his mind.
Instead he tried to concentrate on what he was doing, attempting to drive the haunting images away. The warm cloth glided down Jensen’s body as he turned his attention to bathing Jensen’s legs. It was then Jared noticed the bruising on his knees. Suddenly there was a prickling behind his eyes.
The cloth’s movements stilled, as without warning tears coursed down his face. Jared’s body shook with the force of his sobs as the evening’s events utterly overwhelmed him. His head dropped forward as tears flowed freely, crying so hard could hardly draw breath.
Jensen had been enjoying the sponge bath. Jared’s hands were helping to ground him. It stopped him from being trapped back on set with Will and Andy. Jared’s hands slowed and then stopped. He heard Jared’s breathing hitch, opened his eyes and looked up. Jared was crying. No, scratch that, Jared was sobbing his heart out. Jensen was horrified. What had happened? He struggled to sit up, his body howled in protest. Ribs throbbed and the cut burned as he forced himself into a sitting position.
By the time he sat up, he was light headed but determined to find out what was wrong with Jared. He pulled the younger man to him, and Jared came without a fight. Jensen wrapped his arms tightly round him. He reached up and stroked Jared’s hair, muttering calming words into his ear. Jared’s arms came up, and Jensen found himself being crushed by an enthusiastic hug. He gasped out, “Jay, come on, what’s wrong? Talk to me before I pass out from lack of oxygen.”
“Nothing, I’m fine....I’m fine.”
“Is that why you’re sobbing on my shoulder then? I know you wanted to get me clean but I didn’t realize you were gonna do it by showering me with tears. Seriously, Jay, am I gonna have to ban you from watching the Hallmark channel again? Come on, talk to me, please.” Jensen pleaded, trying to calm the man in his arms.
Jared was struggling to pull himself together; tonight’s events had gotten to be too much. Now he was sitting here while Jensen held him. Realization struck. Fuck! What the hell was Jensen doing sitting up? Jared pulled back a little, and Jensen sagged in relief as the crushing grip was loosened.
“You should be lying down. Come on, you need to lie back down.” Jared went to ease Jensen back.
“Oh, no you don’t. What was all that about? Please, Jay, how can I help you if you won’t tell me?” Jensen said gently.
Jared stared at him, “Jesus, you’re something else, aren’t you? After everything you’ve been through tonight, and you’re worried because I just threw a bitch fit.”
“No, you started bawling like a baby. Big difference.” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand, “I’m sorry that tonight’s been so hard on you. I should’ve realized how much this was going to affect you. Are you alright now?”
Jared wiped his face and took a deep breath, “I’m the sorry one. I freaked out over the state of your knees. How fucking dumb is that?”
Jensen looked at his bruised and swollen knees, smiling slightly, “I never realized how attached to my knees you are. And there was me thinking you loved me for my mind.”
Jared looked embarrassed, and tried to explain why it had happened, “No, it’s not that I know it sounds stupid, but when I was washing them it just set me off. Christ, Jensen, you’re a mess and I start bawling because you bashed your knees.”
Jensen couldn’t help the rush of affection that swept through him, “I get it, Jay. You don’t have to explain and thanks for saying I’m a mess. You ask the fan girls. According to them I’m ruggedly handsome.” He watched Jared grin, and gave a sheepish smile, “Oh alright, pretty, are you ok now?”
Jared gave a shaky smile; right now he couldn’t have loved Jensen more. The concern he was showing him, how he was keeping it together really was amazing. Jared moved closer and pulled the smaller man to his chest, “I’ve been so fucking scared all night; I thought I was going to lose you. I was coping with everything until I saw your knees, your fucking knees of all things. I didn’t freak out at the damn stab wound, or the finger marks round your neck. Or how you’ve had the crap kicked out of you. No, I lose it because your knees are bruised.”
Jared shook his head, trying to come to terms with his reaction. Shit, what a damn wuss! Some tough guy he was. He shook himself and forged ahead, ”Listen, how about we get some ice on your bruises? And then we’ll get some sleep.”
“Ok, but while I’m here do you want to do my back for me?” Jensen asked with a smile.
The men broke down and started to laugh. Jared placed a kiss on the top of Jensen’s head, “Ok, bossy, I’ll do your back and I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said you’re a mess. I should’ve said you look like Dean after Ben and Sera have been at him. All heroic and whumped, and yes, I’ll do your back while you’re here.”
Jared slowly bathed Jensen’s back as he leant against him, finding even more bruises beginning to form. He bent forward and gently kissed Jensen’s shoulder, and was relieved when the other man didn’t flinch at his touch. Then Jared felt a movement as tentatively a hand reached out, and rested on his thigh, squeezing gently. At last the smell of antiseptic and hospital were gone from Jensen’s skin. Jared reached out and grabbed a fluffy towel, and softly patted Jensen dry.
Jared was under no illusions; he hadn’t washed Jensen clean of what had happened to him. But just maybe he’d made things a little easier for Jensen; he’d wanted to show him nothing was going to change between them, no matter what Jensen thought. If anything, he was even more impressed by Jensen’s courage and strength.
“Come on, lie down and I’ll put the ice....” Jared looked up and down Jensen’s body, trying to figure out where the hell to start. His hand hovered indecisively over the numerous marks.
“How about we fill the bath with ice, and then you can throw me in. That might be quicker.”
“Not a bad idea and I can sing My Heart Will Go On while I shovel more ice over you.”
Jensen grimaced at the thought, “I thought the Titanic episode was being filmed in a couple of months. You do that and I will ring Sebastian. He really does hate that song; I’d be interested in what he’d do to you....holy shit! Jay, warn a guy will ya?” Jensen’s teeth started to chatter.
Jared gave an evil smile as Jensen had been speaking. He’d placed one of the bags across his knees and put the other against his ribs, “Sorry about that, but if you threaten to turn that lunatic loose on me I reserve the right to retaliate.” Jared stroked Jensen’s arm gently, “I’ll move them in a few minutes. Where would you like frostbite next?”
Jensen rolled his eyes and shivered. He heard Jared laugh as he got off the bed. Jared took the bowl and washcloth back to the bathroom. When he returned Jared opened the wardrobe. He rummaged around for a few seconds, and then reappeared with an old T-shirt and fresh boxers.
Jared sat on the bed again and checked the position of the ice packs; he’d move them soon but for now there were fine. Jared slid down so he was lying beside Jensen. As he looked at him he was sure he could see the bruises becoming darker by the second.
Jensen was beginning to drift. The painkillers were taking hold and his body felt weightless and numb. He was forcing himself to joke with Jared when it was the last thing he felt like doing. Jared didn’t need him to be burdened with what was going through his head. He kept thinking about what the cops had said about how Will picked his victims, and it made him shudder. That’s what he was now - a victim. He thought he was stronger than that - he had to be stronger than that.
Jared watched the change come over Jensen. A line appeared between his eyebrows and he chewed at his lip. His chest rose and fell more rapidly. Jared reached out and placed his hand over Jensen’s heart, “Hey, stop that, you hear me. Stop that right now.”
“Stop what? I’m doing nothing. Just lying here, letting you take care of me.” Jensen avoided Jared’s searching look.
“Knock it off, Ackles. I know you too well. You’re still blaming yourself for the attack, aren’t you? How many more times have I got to tell you, Jen? It was those sick bastards who were to blame, not you.”
Jared ran his thumb back and forth over his heart, hoping to soothe Jensen. Trying to make him understand he wasn’t to blame for tonight.
“Come on, Jay, I’m just Will’s type, remember? Pretty and protected. You were right. He set up that accident to see what the crew and you would do. He must’ve thought his birthday had come early when you all came running.” There was bitterness in Jensen’s words.
“You’re not protected like some damsel in distress, Jen. Yes, the crew think the world of you and I kinda of like you a little. You heard detective Cately. Will is closeted and repressed as fuck. So yeah, you’re unlucky, you’re his type. But boy did you give him and Andy a nasty surprise.”
Jensen flushed bright red; he still couldn’t understand why Jared thought he was a hero. He’d barely managed to get away from the two men, and yet everyone thought he was amazing. Yeah, he was so amazing he just wanted to lie here and cry. What a fucking hero!
Jared could see his words weren’t getting through. They could lie here all night and Jensen wouldn’t realize what he’d done. He sat up slowly and reached for the T-shirt. He could still see Jensen shivering with goose bumps on his arms. All he could do was keep reassuring him, that he had nothing to be ashamed of. “Come on, Jen, it’s nearly four in the morning. I don’t know about you but I want to get some sleep. Do you want to put these on? You’re shivering.”
Jared asked about the clothes he held, and Jensen nodded. Once more he slipped his arm behind Jensen and helped him to sit up. Jensen went to put the T-shirt on but he was exhausted. Without another word Jared took charge, gently putting the T-shirt over his head and pulling it down over his body. Next came the boxers. With deft sure movements, Jared quickly stripped them off and helped Jensen put on clean ones.
Jensen went to thank Jared for his help, but the look in his eye stopped him. Warm hazel eyes expressed themselves eloquently, silently telling him there was no need for thanks. Jensen smiled, grateful for Jared’s help and understanding. He pushed himself up the bed, sliding under the duvet. As he lay down he sighed. The soft material warmed his body, easing some of the aches and pains. He watched Jared get undressed, and saw him hesitate when he stripped to his boxers.
Usually they slept naked unless one of them was ill, but he could see Jared was unsure of what he should do. Seeing Jared not know how to behave round him tore into him, hurting him deeply.
Jared paused as he went to take off his boxers. Would Jensen want him lying next to him naked? Should he behave any differently towards him? He shook himself. No, that would mean they’d won, and he wouldn’t let them do that. With a decisive movement he pulled his boxers down and stepped out of them. He slipped into bed beside Jensen and without hesitating, pulled his boyfriend into his arms. Then Jared curled round him protectively.
He felt Jensen tense, and leant forward kissing the back of his neck lightly. “Nothing will change the way I feel about you. I don’t give a fuck if those morons thought you were some sort of damsel in distress. You’ve never needed rescuing; you’re so much stronger than you think.”
Jensen felt the tension drain from his body hearing Jared say that. He’d been worried that Jared wouldn’t want to be near him after what had happened tonight. Now he had hope, hope that he could get through this. Jensen turned over so he was facing Jared and in the early dawn light, he could make out much loved familiar lines. And he saw dimples appear when Jared smiled at him.
Jensen reached up and ran his fingers through Jared’s hair, “So if I’m not a damsel in distress, does that mean you’re no longer my knight in shining armour?” A shy smile lit up his face.
Jared moved closer and stroked Jensen’s face tenderly, “I’ve no intention of hanging up my armour just yet. I’ll be here with you every step of the way, and I’ll slay any dragons that need slaying, Jensen. You don’t have to do this alone. Do you understand me?
Jensen’s smile grew broader; he understood what Jared had promised him. He was going to be with him no matter what happened. Jensen gave a jaw cracking yawn as his battered body demanded rest. He couldn’t fight the pull of sleep any longer. His eyelids closed but he tried to open them. Will and Andy were still waiting for him in the dark, and he wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to face them again.
Jared felt Jensen tense as he fought to stay awake. Jared carried on gently caressing Jensen, holding him close, “It’s ok. Just go to sleep. You’re safe, I promise.” Finally he felt Jensen relax in his arms and his breathing even out, the pain killers finally doing their work, and letting him get much needed rest. Once more he rested his hand over Jensen’s heart. He would watch over him tonight, and as many nights as it took for Jensen to feel safe again. He would wait patiently but he was certain Jensen would overcome this.
After all, Jensen was no damsel in distress….. he was Jared’s hero.
The End
